Stuff I Think Is Funny
AO: Andrew Original GO: Geoff Original (as far as we know)
Click HERE for a scientific experiment
I know a fellow who almost drowned the very day he became a Baptist --
Pastor Tim stutters...
Last night I heard a Spanish-speaking ghost. I was in a Juanted house. (GO)
Shrek Philosophy: I stink, therefore I am (AO)
Survivor's philosophy: I sink, therefore I swam.
There's a new alloy for bulldozer blades: flattenem. (GO)
Ze professeur, he has deesapeered. Und all zee ztudents, zey are zaying, "Ze professeur, whar can ze professeur be?" Und all zee students, zey are zaying, "Ze professeur, all ze time, he was zinking, he waz zo breeliant." Und one ztudent, he zays, "Ah, ze professeur, he was zo brilliant und alwayz zinking of zomething. In fact, ze lazt time I zaw ze professeur, we were in ze river, und ze professeur, zuddenly he callz out, 'I'm zinking, I'm zinking.' Und never I zee ze professeur again."
There was a fellow named Jan who grew up in Prague. He worked on a fishing
boat and he fell overboard one day just as two huge sharks were cruising past.
Well, one of the sharks swallowed poor Jan.
So the skipper had the crew harpoon the sharks to try to recover the body. The
crew opened up the first shark -- no Jan.
"That was the female!" shouted the skipper. "I guess the Czech is in the male!"
(GO)
I know a forest ranger named Lefty -- gave a bear a handout.
How can you tell someone is new to using a computer?
You find White-Out on the screen, so you explain the file is really on the
disk.
How can you tell they're not catching on?
White-Out on the disk.
How did Godzilla get his teeth stuck?
Chewing Guam. (GO)
How did he get them stuck again?
Chewing Samoa. (GO)
What did the hamburger say to the beans?
Gee, it's chili in here. (GO)
Haunted House: Enter through scream door. (GO)
My sweetheart was tired of hearing me say "huh" all the time, so she said "go see an oddiologist". Well, I didn't know there were people like that, but she told me she meant "audiologist". But I didn't go, because I drive a Honda. (GO)
Ghost applicants: fill out sheet. (GO)
Root beer
floats? Click
image to continue experiment
What happened to the baked potato that was allergic to sour cream?
It broke out in chives. (GO)
What happens when a counselor works with a burned-out light bulb?
Well, it's still burned out, but it's ready to make that a strength instead
of a weakness.
How does a physical therapist unscrew a light bulb?
First you turn it far enough that it hurts a little, and next time you should
be able to turn it farther. (GO)
Hannibal for President!
Fava beans in every pot!
He will serve the people! (GO)
Dude! I'm at my computer, and I can't use the CD when the cupholder is open!
So I took Clem to the rodeo, but I never saw him after intermission. But I
had the truck keys, so I figgered I'd find him later. Sure nuff, he was waiting
at the truck.
"Hey, Clem," I sez, "where was you?"
"I got throwed out," sez Clem.
"Wha happened?" I sez.
"Well, I saw this sign said 'Beer' and I was thirsty, so I got a beer. Then I
saw this sign said 'Hot Dogs' and I was hongry and I got a hot dog. Then I saw
this sign said 'Ladies' and I was lonely, so..." (GO)
Actually,
root beer sinks
Pairings that make me wonder...
Dessert menu...kids menu?
Manual laborer...oral surgeon?